Lines in the sand

So I've been thinking, and reading, and thinking some more. And reading a lot of blogs of other people who've been through what I'm going through. Two of the ones I've enjoyed more than others are http://gotbladdercancer.blogspot.com/ and http://my-bladder-cancer-journey.blogspot.com/. One thing that seems clear is that going through this is going to change some things, like maybe my attitude towards my job, or some things I do or the way I interact with some people.

For example, the last few days at work, some negativity was being flung around that normally I might have ignored or maybe joined in on or maybe sneered at... but instead it infuriated me. And my feelings about it were that I just don't need this kind of crap in my life and I shouldn't have to put up with it. So I pretty much chewed out the person who was generating most of it, probably shocking and surprising the hell out of him and others in that meeting.

Thinking about work and things I've been spending time on in general it seems like this is a good time to reprioritize. It's not one of those major life-changing I'm gonna quit my job things - I really love my job and I like my company (most days!) and I don't want to change that. But it is one of those "life's too short to put up with stupid bullshit" minor-life changing things, and maybe it does mean that I work a little less and if that conflicts with expectations that some people have for me, then oh-well, they'll just have to learn how to deal.

I'm not really kidding myself that I'm going to completely change anything about my life - I briefly considered a raw vegan diet but it just doesn't seem very sustainable, not to mention I question the relative benefit-v-inconvenience/quality-of-life ratio for it. I'm already working out pretty regularly. I might consider a different life-work balance, but the fact is that when I love what I'm doing at work, it's not a chore to work long hours.

It's just that for-the-moment it's interfering with the hours and energy I need to do what I need to do to stay sane, and that is read every single webpage out there about what's happening to me and what I can expect next.

I guess if I need to deal with that by taking some vacation time, then that's what I'll do. Too bad my work combined vacation and sick time into one PTO balance. Still, mental health is as important as physical health.

So, enough work that I still feel normal and have something to distract me from too much obsessing. Not so much work that I no longer enjoy it. And absolutely, positively no taking any negative shit from anybody, especially at work.