Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Good days, bad days.

Today's not been a good day.

One thing about yesterday - the doc took a close look (with the scope) at both tumors and one of them is a lot smaller than the other - the first doctor labeled them both as "medium". The smaller one he could actually see it's attached to the bladder wall via a stem that's pretty thin.

The other one though is bigger and it wasn't visible how it's attached or even really much more than its surface. And the doc said that we won't really know more about it till he takes it out. We won't know its stage or its grade or whether additional treatment is going to be called for.

Of course all day in the back of my mind it's been echoing that we won't know all this for possibly a month - and all this includes whether or not this tumor is non-invasive.

I had a bad day at work and maybe it's a chicken or the egg thing - I have no patience for bullshit because of what I'm dealing with or maybe I'm upset about this because of too much bullshit at work.

But I just can't shake this sinking feeling at the pit of my stomach.

2 comments:

Unknown said...

thanks for sharing this blog with me. i will be keeping tabs on you and sending you healing thoughts!

Anonymous said...

You need some hugs. Waiting is just so not fun. Wish there was a way to speed up the not knowing. I know it's hard to not think about the worst.